NOW

1. A lot of the pain and hurt from rupture is settling down. It has helped to share what happened with people I trust. I've realized it is a double practice: one, of telling the story to myself, and sapping the poisons of their power; second, of reintroducing myself to people I care about after a drastic experience that has altered me deeply. A very vulnerable, destabilizing practice that has gotten easier the more I do it. I'm learning I can survive these things.


2. I'm also studying how to write better poetry and how to direct the kind of theatre I care about. Getting clear about the aesthetics, ethos, and processes that I care about. I’ve been thinking about this for many years, and now the threads are consolidating and being extended into practical decisions.


3. I recently recorded myself talking through ideas from recent Substack pieces on humiliation:
   
   


4. Reading-wise, I finally finished the incredible Faith, Hope, and Carnage by Sean O'Hagan and Nick Cave. Now reading the equally profound Small Acts of Repair: Performance, Ecology and Goat Island, edited by Stephen Bottoms and Matthew Goulish.


5. I've started doing a few reviews for Popspoken. It's been nice to work that muscle (literary, experiential, critical, compassionate). You can check in on new pieces here.

✶

things I'm saying yes to

• Ethel Cain, Chappell Roan, Caroline Polachek, Charli XCX
• sadness like old poison being purged out a dead animal
• my simple strangeness
• running in circles
• letting it die

things I'm saying no to

• guilt